Tag: one minute read

Solitaire

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Deerfield, Illinois-born drugstore chief, wacky inventor and barfly Wally Green is playing solitaire at The Gaslight after the nice lady in heels rejected his moves. Apparently his tall tales about wrongly losing the deed to Manhattan Island – after pirates had stolen it from his ancestors – was too much for her to handle. I wonder what she thinks of the air-horn inside his nose which blares whenever he blows it.

In Lieu-Au Fun

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Manteno’s self-proclaimed “giver extraordinaire” who performs accordion covers of pop-tunes to raise money for the photo opportunity, Bernadette Cacca holds a kitschy, Hawaiian-themed shindig to thank her enablers, the Poopy Groupies. She really wants them to know she just loves their continued excellence in bum-kissing and useless-drama creation.

“That’s so bad!” Bernadette says as Peppi leaves the party. “He just came for the food and did not stay. All I do for him! All I do for the world! He just left me here to die alone!”

“He left for the washroom, Bern. I would too if I ate pineapple on pizza,” JB the Turd-Burglar tells his crush, the Manteno Wonder herself, Mrs. Bernadette Cacca.

More Fun With Spammers – Oh Boy!

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This is a spam I got for — you guessed it — spam.

Is a spam for spam a metaspam? I have so many questions and I want none of them answered.

Maybe this guy could use their services.

I wonder if they sell generic spam, also?

I will ask Pat Splatt. Maybe.

Mommy, Where Do Craptocoins Come From?

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Manteno’s favourite pretend-do-gooder Bernadette Cacca plays accordion cover tunes for the Manteno Optimal Club. She also tries raise funds for Ukraine – and of course – the photo opportunity. Why donate anonymously when you can make it look like you care?

She only accepts Craptocoin, mined the old-fashioned way, donating 10 per cent of her tips to charity. She takes the rest home and burns it in her fireplace.

From what is Craptocoin made? NFTs – Newly Formed Turds!

Butt first, Mrs. Cacca has to drink and eat on her campaign to promote irrregularity for her regulars.

The Struggle Is Real, Fakebook.

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Don’t want to see that post? Just refresh Fakebook and you will see it again on a recursive loop! Why do senior leaders at mega-corporations get paid a lot of money to make moronic decisions? Just like a dog licking his ‘nads, they do it because they CAN.

The Chickenheads Debut Their New EEP-PEE!

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Kankakee Rappers Ty-Fowl and D-Fail (Tyrell Fowler and Doug Failure) debut their new Extended Play rap record, “All About Us!”

  1. Hooray For Superficiality!
  2. The Chicken Dance (Farmer Hurlbutt’s Extra Clucks Remix)
  3. Let’s Do Something (Other Than Sex)
  4. Things That Make You Go Ppppphphppppplttttt!
  5. Let’s All Go (To Sleep)
  6. 6 Degrees and Rising (Hell Freezes Over Mix)
  7. I’m In Hate With You
  8. We’re Poor & We Don’t Score (Every Hoop We Shoot Is A Whiff) Feat. Roe-Mello Fowler
  9. The Chicken Dance (Auto-tuned Mix)
  10. The Chicken Dance (Auto-tuned Low-Pass Mix)

Coming soon to AudioCumulus!

This Is A Buckstars

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“Where is the jungle gym?” Chanel Teirant asks the busy Bourbonnais café staff, while her sister * dances and brother Bratley joins her pirouette. Mother and Dumpster Clown Madeline Topolla-Teirant Cheers them on.

“Ma’am, this is a Buckstars.”

Butt, Does He Accept Craptocoin?

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Manteno miner of Craptocoin, pretend do-gooder and entramanure Bernadette Moran Cacca, has competition up in Chicago for biggest bail-bond buffoonery.