Tag: one minute read

Dale Davis Dreams of a Life With Sybil Kibble

~ Jen ~ Leave a comment

Kankakee bill collector Dale Davis wants to make dollars and cents with his boss, dog-food diner Sybil Kibble.

“I’m worth your time.”

— Dale Francis Davis.

Mmmm…Spam.

~ Jen ~ Leave a comment
Image: a color drawing of a skinny man drooling

Kankakee County art student, petty criminal and junk emailer Pat Oswald Splatt drools over the new version of the SpamPerfect data harvester. Yum.

Wally Green’s New Vampyre Department

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Image: a black-and-white cartoon of a middle aged man wearing a vampire costume in a drugstore. Text reads: "Vampyre Department at Wally Green's."

Drugstore-chain owner, wannabe ladies’ man, and wacky inventor Wally Green introduces a new service. Only available at night, he feels his customers will eternally benefit.

Now, at a Wally Green’s on a corner near you, get your blood taken by their new Vampyre Department! As an added bonus, Wally Green’s Vampyres will make sure to screw up your bill.

Wally Green’s regrets to inform our customers we temporarily suspended sales of garlic in our grocery department.

Doris Is Ancient and She Drives An Ice Cream Van

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Kankakee pyramid schemer Doris Krabalsky parks her van at a Wally World hoping to trick hungry kids and their parents into buying ice cream from her MLMmobile. Parents get mad because their kids were screaming for ice cream, not leggings. Doris fails to earn a single penny, so she broadcasts her ads on shortwave radio instead.

Needless to say, The Lincolnshire Poacher only brought Doris more trouble.

Justified!

How Bern Cacca Takes Her Coffee

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Image: Pawn Stars show still with coffee mug atop store dealer’s neck. Text: Best I can do is make you poop.
Communal narcissist, port-o-dump operations manager, and bumbling idiot who burns her poopies in her Manteno fireplace, Bernadette “Bern” Cacca loves to drink coffee because it makes her go-go-go!