Tag: one minute read

Moronic Munchies

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Daily writing prompt
What are your favorite types of foods?
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“Anything that gives me good poops so I can burn them later”
– Bern M. Cacca, Bog witch and port-a-potty empress

“Carrion usually, but I will fly great distances to get the best filet mignon.”
– Carla Moran, Shapeshifting humanoid turkey vulture and sterile supply technician

I wanna suck your blood…I mean eat some rabbit pellets. They come out the same way they go in. Whatever you do, keep the garlic away. If you lie and tell me there’s no garlic in your blood I’ll know cuz I have ESP and PMS. I’m a witch who knows it ALL. You can have that one for free. Next customer!
– Missy Rabbit, Psychic Vampyre

“Dog food, any kind, but I prefer Alpo.. Never Brand X though, I can’t stand Elon Musk.”
– Sybil Kibble, Debt collector

“Anything but corn”
– Damien Ulysses Hurlbutt, Area 51 test subject

“We’re all carnivores”
– Tomato Karen & The Haggs

“Brains, brains, branes, braiiiiinnnnz…or poopies.”
– Undead Greg Schneissder

Golden Moron Award: Dirty Deeds Done Dumb

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Someone, lawrd-only-knows-who, thought it would be cute to dump not one, but two plastic boxes of trash right on the green lawn of the Utica Parks Conservancy. This prize-winning behavior would make Oscar the Grouch blush.

For littering on the lawn of GreenUtica, I hereby award this muppet the Golden Moron Award. Just be sure to recycle it for the next nominee.

Take Your Parents to Work Day!

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Daily writing prompt
Invent a holiday! Explain how and why everyone should celebrate.
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Bring Your Parents To Work Day

Every year on September 31, Kankakee debt collection firm Credit Recovery Associates (CRASS) wants staff to bring their parents in to have fun at their team-building events like the Medicine Pronouncing Contest, Browser Loading Race and Bill-Collector Speed Dating.

Collections Team Leader Sybil Kibble brought her ma JoAnn to enjoy learning how to bother people on the phone to ask for money they likely do not even owe, and her mother took 3rd prize in the CRASS Idol singing competition. Sybil took last place because her mouth was full of dog bones while she tried to belt a tune.

Turd Machines, Glassholes and more! – Wally Green

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Daily writing prompt
If you were going to open up a shop, what would you sell?
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“Try my new Word Salad Adapter, compatible with all Turd Machine Deluxe models! Buy one, get one half off (but never free)” at your corner Wally Green’s!

Be sure to store your Wally Green’s debit card in your spring-loaded Wallyt!

Oh and ladies, I am single and ready to mingle! Tell me your sign and I will tell you about the time my distant ancestors once owned the deed to Manhattan only to be stolen by pirates!

– Walter Augustine Green

Retire Some Replicants

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Daily writing prompt
What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?
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Are you tired of online androids trying to sell you crap, give you fake insults that feel real, or post alternative facts…I mean lies? Yeah, me too. With the help of the Moroniverse, we teach you how to stop automated nitwits from taking dumps in your comments sections and then attracting swarms of flies across 51% of the internet. We sure do hope this <5 minute video goes viral because we are tired of living in a dystopian techtatorship, maybe you also.

“Flying straight into solid objects” – Bernadette Cacca

~ Jen ~ 1 Comment
Daily writing prompt
What traditions have you not kept that your parents had?
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“Come here, I need to show you something…” shapeshifting humanoid turkey vulture Carla Moran hisses from the atop her daughter Bernadette M. Cacca’s Manteno home where she is busy playing kazoo pop covers as she burns the port-a-potty waste in her washroom.

“I’m busy.” Bernadette begins to play harder/faster/bigger/stronger into her toy instrument.



 “Bernadette, I have some projects for you to do!”


“I’m all pooped out.”

The vulture takes flight and makes air donuts around the Caccas’ property.

“I’ll smack some sense into you if you don’t—”

“BOOOM!”

Carla’s extra-long, pointy beak slams into a tree, creating a large crack in its bark, tail-feathers shaking as the creepy craptor wiggles her entire body around trying to break free from her own self-imposed prison.

That poor tree.

Why Do TV Commercials All Use the Same Background Music?

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Text: So many choices. Image: a laptop computer displaying a music production app with only two choices for drum loops, and only one for melody.

“Clappity-clap, snappity snap, and all the one-note-wonders make for a changing of the channel.”

– Musician, singer and producer, Gothic Diana Ross, Manteno

Close your eyes…

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Imagine a debit card with a 69% introductory UFO on purchases (for complete pricking information and impotent terms and conditions, policing of services, delimiters, modifiers and values, please clink on the lick below) and a 30-second online alien abduction (subject yourself to verification).

Apply now at Wally Green’s for an Area 51 Visa credit card!

“You might never encounter an offer quite close to being this good!” — Wally Green, Founder of Wally Green’s drugstore, inventor of the Turd Machine Deluxe and invader of spaces.

Coming soon: Alien Abduction Insurance. It’s hot!

Kankakee Bill Collector Sybil Kibble Laughs, Lives, Loves.

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Kankakee bill-collector Sybil Kibble and dog food connoisseur lives, laughs and loves — not necessarily in that order. Do you live first, laugh first, or love first? Do you need a bathroom break before deciding? Maybe you can help solve a mystery.

Want more morons? Keep up on the Moroniverse by signing up using your email or WordPress account.

Or if you prefer, watch us on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/AqXmtumAHXU

The Moroniverse thanks you!

A sister from another mother?

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A year or so after Bernadette Moran Cacca had wandered her way into the Moroniverse, this other unpredictable Bernadette from nearby Joilet had made her debut on a much more famous and well-loved series: “The Big Leap.” Like Bernadette the kitten, Bernadette from HR is not a moron, nor an entramanure who sings show-tunes on the potty while playing accordion in the Manteno Optimal Club. This Bernadette likes to go where everybody knows your name.

She needs her own spin-off series. Maybe she can take over human resources dooties at Peppi’s Port-a-Potties or become the new president of The Poopy Groupies since Wally Green is getting annoyed.