Tag: one minute read

At Least Sonya Did Not Chop Off The Giblets and Send Carla the Bill.

~ Jen ~ Leave a comment

Shapeshifting humanoid vulture and Midwestern slumlord Sonya Moran was busy minding her own business, taking a break from chowing down on a carrion score found on the streets of Manteno, Illinois. Her bored sister Carla thought it would be cute to bother her sister for no reason whatsoever, other than to get a rise out of her. Ennui filled the creature with rage. After all, she only looks good on the outside.

“”When is the last time you cut your hair? It looks awful!” the self-righteous narcadoodle Carla berated her histrionic sister Sonya.

“I’ll clip YOUR wings!” Sonya lunged back, massive shears in tow.

“Oh no, not the blood feathers!”

JoAnn Kibble Judges the Squirrelympics!

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Kankakee squirrel watcher, candy-crusher and school-bus-parts collector JoAnn Kibble was hand-picked by her daughter Sybil to judge the annual Squirrelympics!

Brought to this community every year, the event is sponsored by Sybil Kibble’s employer: bill-collection-factory Credit Recovery Associates (CRASS), because they are here for you, and only for you!

“We don’t just take your money, we give it back, too!”
— Mack E. Avelli, Chief Crook and and Money Launderer, CRASS

Golden Moron Award: MAGAts & Their Maggots

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Image: cartoon of an award statuette with a poop emoji on top. Text: "Golden Moron"

How best to get out the vote, than to contaminate your rivals’ food? Like a frat-girl prank, a group of girls are reported as having resorted to tainting the food of another.

What a great way to advance your cause, ladies? For emptying the contents of their brains into strangers just minding their own business eating, they have been specially selected to receive this collective Golden Moron Award! Now bring it home ladies, show it off to your friends!

JoAnn Kibble Meets Her Squirrelly New Friend.

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It was a

Dopey,

Sleepy

day.

Kankakee resident, expert crusher of candy and prolific collector of school-bus-parts JoAnn Kibble, joined Snow White along with the remaining five dwarves, talking to some squirrels.

This one took notice.

“This friendly #squirrel gives an about-face three times. I hope to meet up with him again soon! 12/10 will feed again.” JoAnn said with a smile. Then she went back inside her apartment to sort her stop signs, seat belts and kill-switches by make and model.

Golden Moron Award: 50 Times? That’s It?

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How many trips to prison does it take to get into this moron’s thick skull? The world may never know.

This clown has been in and out of the criminal justice system so many times, he may as well move in. Get this career crook his well-earned three hots and a cot!

For smirking his way through life, we hereby award Maurice Kearse 50 Golden Moron Awards! That’s right, one for every time he has gone in and out of that barbed wire fence.

Time to reel him in for good!

Do Androids Drop Their Electric Phones?

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C’mon Deckard, I ain’t waitin’ around for ya all night. This is LA after all.

BZZZZZZ!

Time to die! Nothing like having an ITCH you can never SCRATCH!

What? Mother’s Day Card? Youtube, lemme tell you about my mother…

Life-hack

~ Jen ~ 1 Comment
Daily writing prompt
What is a word you feel that too many people use?
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If you’re not Lizzie Borden, you’re not a life-hack, just an imposter.

Golden Moron Award: A Karen in a Far-Off Land

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Picture a world, a wild Karen in a land far from her own. If she threw a tantrum in another language, would anyone understand? Would they care? That poor entitled Karen, so ignorant, she forgot to learn the language of the land. Instead of using the Internet to learn a new language, she used it instead to leave this complaint. Cook your own fish, Karen!

Because she acted like your common, ordinary, sad xenophobe – who clearly had a failure to communicate – we are proud to present Karen with this Golden Moron Award! One can only imagine how boring her life must be, but we’re too busy to care.

JoAnn Kibble Loves to Crush Candy.

~ Jen ~ 1 Comment
Daily writing prompt
What’s your favorite game (card, board, video, etc.)? Why?
View all responses

Like the lady from the insurance commercial, Kankakee basement dweller JoAnn “JK” Kibble loves crushing her candy game, when she’s not watching 500 Left Turns or chasing squirrels.

“Three in a row! Sweeeet!”

Captured

~ Jen ~ 3 Comments
A black-and-white drawing of a skinny blonde lady photographing a daemon at the mall.

“Ooooh, you’re cute” says 22 year young Judy Avelli, as she encounters Marty the Mailer-Daemon at a Chicagoland mall. Meanwhile, her 60-something husband, Credit Recovery Associates (CRASS) cheese-in-chief Mack E. Avelli is outside photographing roadkill. Judy captures Marty on film, while the mailer-daemon captures her heart.