Kankakee slumlord, cheapskate and overt narcissist Madeline Topolla-Teirant is trying to get her life back in balance during her Moronic Half-Assets (MHA) cross-country tour, coming soon to Utica, New York!
At age 12, Kankakee inventor of useless crap and future drugstore owner put on his thinking cap to draw up some rather…interesting concept sketches for an invention he started selling on late night TV. Yeah.
Wacky Kankakee inventor and pharmacy chain owner Wally Green is busy hosting his live infomercial advertising his newest invention, the Turd Machine: “Just turn the crank, and shoot the stank! But wait there’s more!”
Bernadette Cacca, part-owner of Peppi’s Portopotties, interrupts his broadcast to deliver an important message.
Kankakee debt collector and big moron Sybil Kibble went up to Chicago this past Monday. She visited the LaSalle Street Buckstars where Damien Hurlbutt got kicked out a few months ago for going batty on the staff when they politely asked him to wear a mask.
Thankfully, Damien was not inside. However, the barista making Sybil’s drink misspelled her name.
Kankakee debt collector Sybil Kibble thinks this CRASS page is a real treat: https://facebook.com/crassllc
Kankakee bill collector and dog-food enthusiast Sybil Kibble helped her Ma JoAnn create a Fakebook account. Next, she is going to help her make one of them FaceCalls.
Keep up with the dumb CRASSians here: https://facebook.com/crassllc
Blink and you’ll miss the house of Bourbonnais neckbeard Damien Hurlbutt, but maybe you’ll want to.
Gothic Diana Ross, lead singer of the Kankakee band The Midnight Supremes, cancelled her cross-county tour due to the coronavirus pandemic. Since Kankakee pharmacy clerk, disco king and Elvis impersonator Robbie Hurlbutt cannot stalk his number one crush in person, he kisses her new poster instead.
“School bus parts! Sybil, let’s pull over and get some of those” JoAnn Kibble exclaims to her daughter Sybil.
“It says School Bus Parking” Sybil sternly tells her ma.
“School bus party?
“Parking!” Sybil screams.
Kankakee Elvis impersonator Robbie Hurlbutt — who thinks he is really Elvis — thinks he is number one in the shower. Don’t lock him in.