MoronicArts has received news that someone in the Midwest named a kitty after the fictional Manteno moron Bernadette Moran Cacca. From left to right: Not-Bernadette, Bernadette, Another Non-Bernadette cat.
That poor cat! When asked if she poops a lot, we were told “Of course! She is a bottle baby.”
Manteno pretend do-gooder, port-a-dump empress and Craptocoin hawker Bernadette Moran Cacca sure knows how to act stupid. I am so glad this moron and others like her are fake:
Slumlord scum, Ferengi lover and Poopy Groupie President Sonya Moran sure knows how to party.
Area 51 test subject, Squirrely Dan neckbeard, and world’s largest source of natural gas Damien Hurlbutt undergoes daily flatulence testing in their Alternative Fuel Sources Department.
Kankakee drugstore owner, wacky inventor and wannabe ladies’ man Wally Green sells his wares at the home of the Buy One, Get One Half Off (But Never Free) Sale.
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Manteno’s very own Bernadette Cacca, Queen of the Porcelain Throne and communal narcadoodle brags and boasts about everything whether people want to read it — or not.
“I am on my way to Chicago now to do a potty job! I have only been there once and I have lived in Illinois my ENTIRE LIFE!”
The one-time wrestler and dishonorably discharged soldier Bernadette peels out her Kant Street driveway, thinking she’s drifting, when she is really just a drifter.
“This traffic is crazy! I have never seen it this way!” Bernadette says as she makes her way up 57 toward 90/94, weaves in and out of traffic, nearly clipping an 18-wheeler. Pretty red, blue and yellow lights shine down from the heavens and illuminate the dazed and confused Cacca.
“Oh hi Officer! My name is Bernadette Cacca, you may know me from–“
“License and registration, ma’am.”
“I love your perfume. Are you having a baby?”
“No, I’m just fat. Do you know why I pulled you over?” the officer asks a befuddled Bern, trying to hide the frustration in his face of having just been misgendered.
“Pulled me over? Little old me? I’m a star you know. Here, have a sucker.”
“I’ll let that go for now. You were going 99 miles-per-hour and you nearly caused an accident.”
“Oh beautiful, come here. I will buy you a drink and comp you at my next show.”
“I am writing you a ticket for the speeding and issuing an appearance ticket for bribery.”
“Let me speak to your supervisor.”
“Slow down, Karen,” the cop orders Bernadette as he hands her two the tickets she had rightfully earned and safely merges back into traffic. Meanwhile, Bernadette pulls out her smell phone, texts and pulls away as she barfs up this monstrosity onto The Poopy Groupies Fakebook page and Instaspam:
Then she poops her pants. Gotta mine that Craptocoin the old-fashioned way: by making NFTs (Newly Formed Turds).
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